Jen6475's Xanga

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Tue, 22 May 2007 01:30:22 GMT

Why is it that you can be so incredibly sure about something one day and then the next day wake up feeling completely the opposite way?

I think I'm a horrible person. I never had bad intentions.
I'm so incredibly confused. I must be going crazy.
Or is this just another bad day, and tomorrow everything will be fine?
Emotions suck.

I want to be able to make sense of this stupid mess. Damnit. I want to figure out what's best for me...without hurting anyone....=(

Friday, February 02, 2007

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 04:20:04 GMT

It really is amazing how much we can all change in what seems like such a short amount of time. Lately time itself, for me at least, seems to pass by sometimes very slowly, and others, so fast that I dont even realize a day has gone. I have changed in so many ways since this time last year. So much so that even I am shocked at times. I was thinking the other day, about how some say they regret things in their past, while others like to quote those ever popular cliche' things such as "live every day like it's your last" and "never regret anything"...and so on.

The problem is, I dont know which category I fall into. Do I regret certain things, or do I accept each of my mistakes just as little character builders along the way? Maybe there is partial truth to both points of view. Maybe combining the two is the key....balance.

But i've been finding that balance is a hard thing to keep when life's ground is constantly shifting.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 19:37:06 GMT

Not sure why, but it's taken a while for me to realize that I really don't write anymore. And I miss it.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 20:02:20 GMT

So I don't ever use this anymore...

Here's the other link:
http://www.myspace.com/last_dancewithmary_jane

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 04:34:21 GMT

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster;
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

Even losing you (a joking voice, the gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (write it!) like disaster.

One Art - Elizabeth Bishop

Monday, February 20, 2006

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 06:53:24 GMT

I guess I could use a pick-me-up
Though it would only do me good if it came from you
You were always so good at that

But don't worry...I'm saving my hopes
By now I've learned just how useless my expectations can be

It's just so hard not to wish for something that your heart knows should come true
And mine does

I know how crazy I would sound to them
Maybe even to you...
But in my head I swear it all makes sense

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Sun, 08 Jan 2006 05:23:40 GMT

This bitter silence
It screams at me
It tells me to run
To get out
To be free

It is my one desire
It beckons
It entices
It never suffices
But somehow I want more

I need it more than life
More than death
More than my own worthless breath
I don't care about costs
I'll sacrifice it all

It has become my drug
Just another fix
Hard to admit
But without it I couldn't survive
I could never survive this alone

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 19:30:39 GMT

taking up my time again
the one thing I can't stand
the coffee and the conversation never ends
when all I really need to find is one short clever line
to pinpoint my disgust
it's always just too much or not enough
and I'm overwhelmed
so I'll keep it simple for obvious reasons
I'll say what I should and just hope you believe me
but it never gets easier
sink into myself again
I can't hear a word you've said
the syllables
the sounds just aren't sentences
and all I really want to do is tear straight into you
explode
unload a hail of insults until you finally get it
I'm sick to death
but a strong distaste for confrontation leaves no room for self expression
such a strain to remain so docile though
don't you know it all takes its toll

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 02:31:34 GMT

The sister got engaged tonight. Hell yeah. We're having lotsa fun...no doubt.

Merry Christmas HOES.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5721216010568488162&q=asian+backstreet+boys

^ Watch it ^

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 19:28:00 GMT

Hello morning
Now I see you
Cause I'm awake
What was once so Sweet and Secure
Has turned out to be FAKE
Girl, you can't be scared
Gotta stand up tall and let them see what shines in you
Push Aside the part
LYING in your heart
Like the ocean is deep, dark and blue

Golden sunshine's
Peeking through the grayness of the sky
Soon it will be in full view
And rain won't stain your eye
Girl, you be SMART
Look in you heart and see what shines in you
Push Aside the part
LYING in your heart
Like the ocean is deep, dark and blue

You are a golden child

You don't have to be afraid cause time is on your side
And they don't Know the power you possess
Or the beauty that's Inside

Hello morning
Now I see you
Cause the LESSON is LEARNED
These cards are the ones dealt to play
And the tables will be turned

You are a golden child

- Alicia Keys